I think I peed myself. That or I spilled my coffee, or I am just having a warm fuzzy feeling.

It’s really hard to tell when you’re wearing 3 pairs of pants, 4 shirts, a hoodie, a winter jacket and gloves because it is 14 degrees outside and the wind is blowing.  That was the scenario several weeks ago on my job site. 

What’s even more difficult was knowing that I would have to burrow through the layers once I got to the always “attractive” porta-john that serves as my on site luxury “lounge”. 

And then it happened. It had happened once before, years ago.  I was younger then and only going to job sites occasionally. I was a novice in job site protocol. It took everything short of shock therapy to heal from the horror.  Yes – there were nightmares, cold sweats, flashbacks, and then just when the healing was taking place, BOOM it happened again, just weeks ago. The memory is painful to narrate.

There it was, finally, the sight of the two porta johns side by side, the “Puplex”.  You can usually see the “Not Occupied” green sign from many yards away on a clear day.  But this was different, it was a blizzardy, windy day.

During the brisk walk, head down against the cold snow and blowing wind, timing is the key to completing the task at hand.  Walking fast, wind in my eyes; head down to keep out the arctic blast – must be getting closer – Ah there it was – the green sign – good to go- faster pace now- almost there.  Finally reach the handle (of the door), pull fast, throw open the door and jump in and ….”well hello there, come here often?…Uh did someone forget to turn the “occupied” handle to make the sign turn RED?! 

Holy crap – wow, face to face –well not really Face to face. These are not made to hold 2 bodies – just poke my eyes out now!  Just back away – literally in a billionth of a second. Now I know how the little girl in Body Heat felt! 

Does my employer cover this? It is job related.  Workman’s comp?  Disability coverage?  Psychological trauma, pain and suffering? 

3 times a charm would not work in this case.  Scarred for life. 

If you ever go to a construction site, I will be the only guy in history you will see knocking, pounding on a porta john door shouting – “Hello – anybody home?  Hello is anybody in there?  Hello – “candy gram” it’s me again, Hello,  I gotta pee…” 

And if anyone needs to know – the blue water does freeze!