Holy moly – that hurt – a lot. I thought last week’s visitation by Dracula was bad but that was party time compared to today. When I alluded in the previous blog about being on the rack – well today I was. The nurse attendant called my name while I was sitting in the lobby and we began walking down the corridor. I jokingly said “are you going to help torture me?” She said sorrowfully- “No only the Doctor gets to torture – I’m just leading you to the chamber.”  And so, it begins… I enter the room to only a rack and a machine with wires and knobs. When the Doctor enters, I’m lying on the rack (I guess it was an examining table) with no pants on… That itself was emotionally painful. instead of having you wear the old hospital gown with your butt hanging out – now you get a pair of disposable paper shorts to wear. They would be great to wear around the house during COVID.  I should have kept them. I digress.

So, I’m lying on the rack and the Dr. Frankenstein starts putting all these electrode connectors on me hooked up to a machine with knobs so she can increase the pain with the turn of the wrist! Suddenly I feel really sharp pains all up and down my leg and then my foot and leg start moving to the movements of the knobs. I was a freakin marionette with battery cables instead of strings. What is happening? When a Dr. says – this will hurt – you know you’re in trouble.  My legs were jumping, my toes would curl and straighten out without me doing anything – except biting my hand to keep from screaming. My Covid mask was already wet from my tears.  After a while she said, “that was good – sorry I hurt you.” but I could see the grin through her mask and shield.  Wow, I thought it was finally over – then she said, “so let’s do the other side now.”  I have to do this AGAIN!  It will be worse since now I know what’s coming!

We did the other side and it WAS worse. I think she was getting carried away turning up the knobs. She was like a kid with a shortwave radio set trying to contact Starfleet command. After she finished the second leg – so glad I only have two of them- I assumed it was over and I can change out of my now soiled silly paper pants. Hold on there, Sparky, was what she wanted to say but she did say that we weren’t done yet – oh no! Next thing she said was “we will now do some tests using needles that I will project into your muscles to see how they respond.”  I’ll tell you how they will respond – with lots of pain!! I figured she was upset with me by now because she kept calling me names. At least I think she was – every time she stuck a needle in me, she looked at me and said “little prick.” So now we had to go through both legs using 10 foot long needles. At least that’s what I thought – I couldn’t see through the tears and mask.

Geez Louise – bring back Dracula. Actually, the needles weren’t as painful as the shock treatment battery cables – but by then I was semi-comatose. Finally, the testing was complete. My pain threshold was juvenile. I think she murmured under her mask that I acted like a little baby. I couldn’t tell, I couldn’t hear what with me crying so loud. I asked simply what would be the treatment if the result proved nerve damage (neuropathy)? She said “oh there is none.” To which I sarcastically said, “then why bother with the torture test?” She professionally said, “to rule it out as a cause.” I think she meant to say it was because she enjoys inflicting pain! The test was negative so I never have to go through that again – although she never got to the arms!! One more Dr appointment tomorrow- I think they call each other and compare notes to see who can inflict the most pain. It’s the mad scientists’ Olympics.