“Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.”  

Whoever originated that quote has not travelled on my highway lately. Much like the actual street where we live, my retirement “highway” is now dug up, unpaved, full of trenches, potholes and lots of mud – oh my yes – lots of mud. 

Traveling, and visiting our children and five grandchildren, had become our normal aspiration as we had moved into a comfortable “retirement” routine as well as enjoying the local activities that come with having time and choices. However, having a 91-year-old mother living 700 miles away and suddenly needing exceptional care brought out the big orange construction barrels of life with the reflective striped “road closed” sign.  

Life as we anticipated will now consist of trips back and forth to take care of mom. The process was helped by the fact that she has adapted to her assisted living “home” and is resigned to the fact she will not be returning to her house. The quandary now – do we continue to live in two states or convince mom (and ourselves) to move to an equally favorable assisted living near our home, OR permanently move to mom’s location? Since my mom had just turned 18 when I was born it makes us close enough in age that I should be looking for my own assisted living by now, not taking care of another adult. 

I am aware that our dilemma is not unique among our age group. Other retired couples we know also take care of a parent. I have one good friend (do not tell him I said he was a friend) who along with his wife was given permanent custodial care of their grandchild. School drop offs and soccer mom trips in their late 70s was not how they imagined their golden years either. Apparently, the “open highway” has detours for many of us. We just need to drive steadily, keep checking the map, enjoy the view when we can and use proper turn signals – we’re going to need them.