My wife has been sleeping around…. – Whoa, that got your attention didn’t it? But let me finish the sentence.. My wife has been sleeping around…The House!

Somehow, a couple months ago, she hurt something in her hip/leg/butt?? Like a strained muscle. The doctor said it was either from something she did at yoga or in bed. (whoa again!) I had nothing to do with either scenario. Sadly, she couldn’t get out of bed without severe pain and the need for a crutch or a cane or a helping hand. A helping hand meant I had to get out of bed, so I found a pair of crutches.

She has been in physical therapy ever since the Dr appointment. The PT thinks she has had a lifelong habit of sleeping incorrectly. How’s that for a diagnosis? My wife told him that, well, she has been sleeping with a big Lump in her bed for about 18 years if that made a difference -haha. Sleeping fine for xx years and now suddenly it’s incorrect? So now she has been told she has to sleep in a completely different position and/or with a different firmness of mattress. Thus the “sleeping around the house”.

We have 4 good sized bedrooms upstairs, all with queen size beds plus two sofas downstairs, one with a pull out queen size mattress. Suddenly, the search was on for the perfect night’s sleep. Goldilocks was on a mission to find the proper rest without pain. I told her the simple solution to solving the pain issue when she got out of bed was to just stay in bed – no worries! Obviously I haven’t gotten my med school diploma in the mail yet. Since she has to do all kinds of “maneuvering” to get the right position, and also do crazy leg exercises upon waking up in the bed, to help ease the pain, it seemed better for her (and me) to have her take the journey on her own.

It has been a hoot (other than the pain). She will start in one bed, move to another, and then forget which bed she was in when going to the bathroom in the night. Sometimes she ventures back to ground zero, and other times the search continues. At least our daughters have all grown and moved on so she has all manner of room choices. Hopefully all will be resolved before we have any overnight guests. That would make for interesting breakfast conversations.

In the process we are discovering which of the 4 beds have the firmer mattress. It’s like we are grading them all on firmness now. The mattress people, coming up with their sales gimmick of telling consumers to change mattresses every 8 years, have not helped. I don’t know how old each bed is! I think we tore off the tags – so now the mattress police will come and haul us off to jail. I’m sure the jail mattresses won’t have tags.

Each new bed looks like a war zone in the morning. Moving and wiggling and changing position. It would be like being a right handed person and you are told to now use your left hand! We develop sleeping habits – on stomach, or on side or on back – and suddenly to try and do the opposite – not a fun move. Besides once you are asleep – how do you prevent your body from going back to its happy place? Well, the PT told my wife to stick pillows between her legs, put large pillows on one side so she can’t move her leg into the wrong position and put another pillow in her arms to keep from moving. We now have like 8 pillows in each bed. Every night is a pillow fight – and that’s by myself.

The pain is starting to become less of a problem now – but Goldilocks continues to rotate beds as part of the process. However, now we can never move to a one bedroom house! But I did make porridge for breakfast this morning.