“A father holds his daughter’s hand for a short while, but he holds her heart forever.” – author Unknown

Running lines preparing for my next little acting gig as Romeo’s father in Romeo and Juliet, I was struck by how current my heartbreaking lines would prove. In the final act Romeo’s dad utters the very painful and very personal words, “O thou untaught! what manners is in this? To press before thy father to a grave?” modern translation – It’s not right EVER for a child to die before a parent. As a parent and grandparent, the thought is abhorrent.

Last month, the abhorrent became part and parcel of the reality presented to two of my friends. One of my dear friends from college informed me that his oldest granddaughter was in ICU and had been for two weeks. She seemingly had a bad cold that was disguising an autoimmune disease that put her into seizures, induced coma, fevers and all sorts of trauma. I was in his wedding, went to his oldest daughter’s wedding.  We both have daughters and granddaughters and compared notes over the years. His pain was real. His daughter’s pain was immeasurable while dealing with the unknown for Her daughter. After more than two weeks in ICU, the fevers broke, the diagnosis gave some hope for the future. She will be at risk for future episodes. They went through hell with fear, doubts, false promises and sleepless days and nights.

Another friend is one I mention often as one of my golf buddies. He also has daughters. We also compared notes. Last month one of his daughters also spent two weeks in ICU. Her long term illness created complications to her heart and internal organs. He also had sleepless nights, fear, doubts, trauma as he painfully watched her slip away. She did not make it. She will not have future hopes. Neither will he. A father lost a child. A child’s age or cause of death is of no consequence relative to the heartbreaking grief, and long suffering of a parent who loses a child. It’s not right. It’s never right.

It won’t be just lines in a play when our performances take place. It will be personal. I will not be lamenting for Romeo when I say my lines, but rather for Holly and her father, my friend.

The letters ICU should never be vocalized by a parent for a child unless preceded by the other words “peek a boo”. NEVER.